Impotence, a troubled past, not being 100% comfortable being with a trans woman, are all elements that perhaps sometimes mar the idealistic, unrealistic sex I desire. That was much better, my head felt in the right place, as it were.Īlthough, as my partners are usually between 35 and 60 years old, their own cis male issues have also brought with them their own challenges. Post-surgery, I was able to have conventional, vanilla straight mtf sex. I didn’t want to mortgage my home or go into massive debt and end up in an insecure housing situation for the rest of my life. I also wanted to consider my economic future. I was, however, fearful about post-surgery complications and I didn’t fancy flying around the world to get something fixed. Also, I was prepared to wait the three years required.Ī couple of friends had gone to Thailand to Dr Suporn Watanyusaku(who was considered the world leader in the field at that time) for their lower surgery and other surgeries too whilst they were there. When I went for SRS, I would not have considered any other option than having it done on the NHS, on grounds of the costs for private surgery. I transitioned socially in my 30s, medically in my 40s. My experiences are probably similar to many in the same position. I hoped that I would achieve this in time, but the main thing for me was to be seen by everybody as the woman I’d always been but hadn’t always been seen as. If I was ever to get a b oyfriend after surgery then that was of secondary importance, and whether I went on to have a happy MtF sex life was of low importance to me at the time. There’s More To Being Trans than Sex Reassignment SurgeryĪny future MtF sex life really wasn’t on my mind, my main role in life was as a parent and as a woman earning money in a career, to support my family and myself. I knew I needed surgery for me to feel I was as complete a woman as I could be. Imagine leaving behind a bereft young family. It was more from the (highly unlikely) fear of dying on the operating table. The constant fear of being “ unmasked“, the desire to wear a swimming costume by the pool, instead of denim shorts, the realisation that any relationship with a man was partially dependent on me having the female parts, along with my long term wellbeing, were the bigger driving forces.Īlthough there were occasional times that I thought I might not go ahead with lower surgery. But I had no option, mentally, to not go ahead. My surgeon told me I would probably be able to climax, and he was right. Sexual pleasure was never a factor in my decision around surgery. Coming Out to My Partner As Trans: Facing the Fear.I knew that I needed what I refer to as “completion” in order to be 100% comfortable with my body.Īs soon as I started to socially transition, then all of society that I interacted with – that is to say family, friends, colleagues, members of the public – accepted me as a woman, even before I fully “passed”. This was because I wasn’t truly being perceived by those menas the woman I actually was, but rather as a woman, but still with male bits. I assume that was a big reason for my being uncomfortable with the act of sex.ĭuring transition but before lower surgery, sex was more comfortable, in that I was a straight woman having sex.īut male partners then were more into fetish aspects of “sex with a trans woman”, so, although it was an affirmation, of a kind, for me, it wasn’t ideal for my mental health. When I realised that I was a woman, but my body didn’t match, my role in the world became so much easier. Transphobiawould have been added to the list but it was not a word in common usage back then. My parents conservative (with a big and a small c ) values and views extended to racism, homophobia and sexism. I’m sure at times I must have questioned this and attributed it to my somewhat prudish, puritanical upbringing. Trans people who seek SRS maybe eager to remove their sex organs, and maybe unethusiastic about sex before SRS. Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) is the surgical prodcure a trangender person undertakes to alter the appearance and function of their sex characteristics to affirm their gender identity.
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